he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize