i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
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OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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