Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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