Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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