btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize