after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
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I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
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As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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