you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize