even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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