Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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