I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize