i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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