I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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