More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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