I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Are we in a gay sports bar?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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