I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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