This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
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I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
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I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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