a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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