So drunk its hurt
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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