u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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