remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Congratulations! We have a period
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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