If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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