So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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