Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I will die if light touches me.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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