i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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