Me too!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize