I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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