just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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