Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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