Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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