No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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