she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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