So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
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Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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