Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
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I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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