Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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