Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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