In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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