Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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