I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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