This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
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about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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