She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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