His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
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Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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