she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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