I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize