Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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