8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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