Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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