Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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