i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
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Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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