I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize