I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
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she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
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Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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