I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
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somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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