So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
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In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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